How come, how long?!

When I stepped out of the train last Wednesday it was almost a year ago that I visited the Netherlands.

All of 2017 that wasn’t particularly shocking to me, because every time I thought: well, there is nothing that I need to come back for. I didn’t feel like visiting the village that I never wanted to live in, in the first place (I was born in a city, but we moved when I was 12) and since I just got a new job, I didn’t want to spend vacation days on going to the Netherlands.

Even when my good friend in Berlin told me that I should go back sometime, because I was needed over here, I was like: neeeh, I am staying put in Berlin. Until I met some fellow expats who are very attached to their home countries. I had a lot of talks with my Norwegian friend and he was kind of in shock when I told him it already had been a year since I visited my mom.

He couldn’t be without his family and traditions for so long and goes back every once in a while. His parents are visiting him as well and he definitely comes back for holidays. That did something to me. Then I met someone who is playing a very prominent role in my life at the moment – he is Spanish (perdón, catalán) and loves traditions. Every time he mentions his hometown, you hear the pride in his voice.

How come I didn’t feel that? Has it really been a year!? Kind of outrageous.  I came to realize that i was just resisting. It was my own stubborn and scared (or maybe even scarred) mindset. Thoughts that were holding me back. The thought that I always had when leaving Berlin: when I leave the city, I will leave everything behind and don’t have anything to come back for. Complete bullocks of course, but our minds can be quite powerful.

Thinking about the fact that I spent ALL of 2017 in Berlin (yes, really), also gave me the creeps. I have the possibility to go, people who I love here, that I wanted to visit again. So, I am typing this from our living room in NL and I’m so glad that I went.

I’m spending much needed time with my mom again, went to visit a good friend in Alkmaar and felt a new found appreciation for that city. All that cuteness in the city center. For the first time ever I actually took pictures (Insta @intimedaily). I didn’t feel the I need to go back to Berlin, stat vibe at all. If felt as if I never left.

I also realized that Berlin/Germany is actually far behind on the Netherlands when it comes to modern technology. We are a lot more flexible than the Germans, Germany is afraid of changes, too many things out in the open. Which is understandable, but when I went to Berlin, in my opinion Berlin was more modern than Amsterdam.

It’s so liberating to finally throw off this blanket full of resistance.

I turned off that switch in my head and heart that was whispering: Sascia, you moved to Berlin, you can’t love and appreciate both cities in NL and Berlin. Pick a side and stick to it. HA, I can do, feel and appreciate whatever I want. Yes, I can.

The world is at our feet, our possibilities are endless. Stop holding yourself back.

Open up your heart
As well as your eyes

Author: Sascia

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